Wednesday, June 21, 2006
2. WIPRO: Weak Input, Poor & Rubbish Output
3. HCL: Hidden Costs & Losses
4. TCS: Totally Confusing Solutions
5. C-DOT: Coffee During Office Timings
6. HUGHES: Highly Useless Graduates Hired for Eating and Sleeping
7. BAAN: Beggars Association And Nerds
8. IBM: Implicitly Boring Machines
9. SATYAM: Sad And Tired Yelling Away Madly
10. PARAM: Puzzled And Ridiculous Array of Microprocessors
11. HP: Hen Pecked
12. AT & T: All Troubles & Terrible
13. CMC: Coffee, Meals and Comfort
14. DEC: Drifting and Exhausted Computers
15. BFL: Brainwash First and Let them go
16. DELL: Deplorable Equipment and Lack Luster
17. TISL: Totally Inconsistent Systems Limited
18. PSI: Peculiar Symptoms of India
19. PCL: Poor Computers Limited
20. SPARC: Simply Poor And Redundant Computers
21. SUN: Surely Useless Novelties
22. CRAY: Cry Repeatedly After An Year
23. TUL: Troubles Un Limited
24 CTS: Coffee Tea and Snacks
25. ICIM: Impossible Computers In Maintenance
26. BPL: Below Poverty Line
27. NIIT: Not Interested in IT
ICICI : Incredible Calls from Irate Customers of India
Friday, June 16, 2006
Wednesday, May 31, 2006
Monday, May 29, 2006
Friday, May 26, 2006
KM Involves capturing the knowledge of employees and sharing it so that it is available for others to use.
SM merely focuses on application of Knowledge to find Solution
In brief, KM is learning and SM is applying what has been learnt. Such application of skill may result in improvement over earlier learning and thus knowledge but not necessarily improvement of skill. Thus Knowlede is dynamic.
KM is a Learning Technique
SM is a Problem Solving Technique
KM starts from individual and ends in sharing.
SM starts with sharing and ends up in individuals ability
Knowledge Management uses experience gained out of failures and also success.
Skill is strongly measured based on only success of solving problems.
Knowledge is an intellectual property.
Skill is one of the means of producing intellectual property.
Knowledge is relative.
Skill is individualistic.
Knowledge is implicit.
Skill is explicit.
KM is a measure of the VALUE of the Organization.
SM is the measure of the ABILITY of the Organization.
AVG - http://www.grisoft.com/us/us_index.php
Avast - http://www.avast.com/
AntiVir - http://www.free-av.com/
Panda ActiveScan -
Foobar2000 - http://www.foobar2000.org/
Sonique - http://sonique.lycos.com/
iTunes - http://www.apple.com/itunes/
jetAudio - http://www.jetaudio.com/
QCD - http://www.quinnware.com/
Winamp - http://www.winamp.com/
CDex - http://cdexos.sourceforge.net/
dbPowerAMP Music Converter -
ASPI Drivers -
CD/DVD Burner XP - http://www.cdburnerxp.se/
Burn 4 Free - http://www.burn4free.com/
Daemon Tools -
WackGet - http://millweed.com/projects/wackget/
LeechGet - http://www.leechget.net/en/
wget for Windows - http://xoomer.virgilio.it/hherold/
(Do NOT USE Download Accelerator Plus (DAP)…
It infects the machine with adware/spyware.
Leechget is good and has no adware /
spyware components whatsoever)
PGP Freeware Edition -
Axcrypt - http://axcrypt.sourceforge.net/
GnuPG - http://www.gnupg.org/
ZoneAlarm - http://www.zonelabs.com/
Sygate Personal Firewall -
Kerio Personal Firewall - http://www.kerio.com/kpf_home.html
Outpost - http://www.agnitum.com/download/outpost1.html
Tclock - http://homepage1.nifty.com/kazubon/tclock/index.html
IconPhile - http://www.virtualplastic.net/scrow/iphile.html
Glass2k - http://www.chime.tv/products/glass2k.shtml
D-Color XP -
MobyDock - http://www.mobydock.com/
Samurize - http://www.samurize.com/
IrfanView - http://www.irfanview.com/
iBrowser - http://ibrowser.fcodersoft.com/
AhaView - http://www.aha-soft.com/ahaview/free.htm
Miranda IM - http://www.miranda-im.org/
Gaim - http://gaim.sourceforge.net/
Trillian - http://www.ceruleanstudios.com/downloads/
Yahoo Instant Messenger - http://messenger.yahoo.com/
MSN Messenger - http://messenger.msn.com/
AOL Instant Messenger - http://www.aim.com/
ICQ - http://www.icq.com/
Jabber - http://www.jabber.org/
Putty Telnet/SSH Client -
IP Tools - http://www.ks-soft.net/ip-tools.eng/
Ethereal Protocol Analyzer - http://www.ethereal.com/
HyperTerminal Private Edition -
RealVNC - http://www.realvnc.com/
Nmap - http://www.insecure.org/nmap/
PHP - http://www.php.net/
ActivePerl - http://www.activestate.com/Products/ActivePerl/
jEdit - http://www.jedit.org/
Dev-C++ - http://www.bloodshed.net/
MySQL - http://www.mysql.com/
SciTE - http://www.scintilla.org/SciTE.html
OpenOffice.org - http://download.openoffice.org/index.html
AbiWord - http://www.abisource.com/download/
Ad-Aware - http://www.lavasoft.de/software/adaware/
Spybot: Search & Destroy - http://spybot.safer-networking.de/
Hijack This -
SpywareBlaster - http://www.javacoolsoftware.com/
BootVis - http://www.majorgeeks.com/download.php?det=664
Resource Hacker -
PC Inspector File Recovery -
Motherboard Monitor - http://mbm.livewiredev.com/
Sysinternals Utilities -
BSPlayer - http://www.bsplayer.org/
Core Media Player - http://www.tcmp.org/
Media Player Classic -
VideoLAN - http://www.videolan.org/
Zoom Player -
KVCD - http://www.kvcd.net/
TMPGEnc - http://www.tmpgenc.net/
VirtualDUB - http://www.virtualdub.org/
Mozilla FireFox - http://www.mozilla.org/download.html
Mozilla - http://www.mozilla.org/
Netscape - http://channels.netscape.com/ns/browsers/default.jsp
MyIE2 - http://www.myie2.com/
Avantbrowser - http://www.avantbrowser.com/
SlimFTPd - http://www.whitsoftdev.com/slimftpd/
Filezilla - http://filezilla.sourceforge.net/
Xitami - http://www.xitami.com/
Apache - http://www.apache.org/
Savant - http://savant.sourceforge.net/
Dear Chandrakantbhai,Arvindbhai, Mohan and Varsha, I am sending Ba\'s body to you, since it washer wish that she should be cremated in the compound of our ancestral homein GUJARAT. Sorry, I could not come along as all of my paid leave isconsumed. You will find inside the coffin, under Ba\'s body, 12 cans of cheese, 10 packets of Toblerone chocolates and 8 packets ofBadam. Please divide these among all of you. On Ba\'s feet you will findanew pair of Reebok shoes (size 10) for Mohan. There are also 2 pairs of shoes for Radha\'s and Lakshmi\'s sons. Hope the sizes are correct. Ba iswearing 6 American T-Shirts. The large size is for Mohan. Justdistributethe rest among yourselves. The 2 new Jeans that Ba\'s is wearing are for the boys. The Swiss watch thatReema wanted is on Ba\'s left wrist. Shanta masi, Ba is wearing the necklace, earrings and ringthat you asked for. Please take them off her. The 6 white cotton socksthat Ba is wearing must be divided among my nephews. Please distribute allthese fairly.
Love , Smita PatelPS: And if anything more required let me know soon as Bapuji is also notfeeling too well nowadays.
=>The most common name in the world is Mohammed.
=>The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue.
=>There are two credit cards for every person in the United States.
=>TYPEWRITER is the longest word that can be made using the letters only on
one row of the keyboard.
=>Women blink nearly twice as much as men!!
=>You can't kill yourself by holding your breath.
=>It is impossible to lick your elbow.
=>People say "Bless you" when you sneeze because when you sneeze, your heart
stops for a millisecond.
=>If you sneeze too hard, you can fracture a rib. If you try to suppress a
sneeze, you can rupture a blood vessel in your head or neck and die.
=>Each king in a deck of playing cards represents a great king from history.
Spades - King David
Clubs - Al! exander the Great,
Hearts - Charlemagne
Diamonds - Julius Caesar.
=>111,111,111 x 111,111,111 = 12,345,678,987,654,321
=>Honey is the only food that doesn't spoil.
=>A crocodile cannot stick its tongue out.
=>A snail can sleep for three years.
=>All polar bears are left handed.
=>American Airlines saved $40,000 in 1987 by eliminating one olive from
each salad served in first-class.
=>Butterflies taste with their feet.
=>Elephants are the only animals that can't jump.
=>Stewardesses is the longest word typed with only the left hand.
=>The ant always falls over on its right side when intoxicated.
=>The electric chair was invented by a dentist.
=>The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps out to the body to
squirt blood 30 feet.
=>Rats multiply so quickly that in 18 months, two rats could have over
=>Wearing headphones for just an hour will increase the bacteria in your ear
by 700 times.
=>The cigarette lighter was ! invented before the match.
=>Most lipstick contains fish scales.
=>Like fingerprints, everyone's tongue print is different.
The teacher asked,"Boy. What is your problem?"
Boy answered, "I'm too smart for the first-grade. My sister is in the third-grade and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in the third-grade too!"
Ms Neelam had enough. She took Boy. to the principal's office.
While the boy waited in the out of the office, the teacher explained to the Principal what the situation was.
The principal told Ms Neelam he would give the boy a test and if he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the first-grade and behave.She agreed.
Boy was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he agreed to take the test.
Principal: "What is 3 x 3?"
Principal: "What is 6 x 6?"
And so it went with every question the principal thought a third-grade should know. The principal looks at Ms Neelam and tells her, "I think Boy can go to the third-grade."
Ms Neelam says to the principal, "I have some of my own questions. Can I ask him?" The principal and boy both agree.
Ms Neelam asks, "What does a cow have four of that I have only two of?
Boy, aft! er a moment "Legs."
Ms Neelam: "What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?"
Ms Neelam: What starts with a C and ends with a T, is hairy, oval, and delicious and contains thin whitish liquid?
Ms Neelam: What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft and sticky? (The principal's eyes open really wide and before he could stop the answer, boy was taking charge)
Ms Neelam: What does a man do standing up, a woman does sitting down and a dog does on three legs? The principal's eyes open really wide and before he could stop the answer...
Boy: Shake hands
Ms Neelam: Now I will ask some "Who am I" sort of questions, okay? Boy: Yep.
Ms Neelam: You stick your poles inside me. You tie me down to get me up. I get wet before you do.
Ms Neelam: A finger goes in me. You fiddle with me when you're bored. The best man always has me first. The Principal was looking restless, a bit tense and took one large Patiala Vodka peg.
Boy: Wedding Ring
Ms Neelam: I come in many sizes. When I'm not well, I drip. When you blow me, you feel good.
Ms Neelam: I have a! stiff shaft. My tip penetrates. I come with a quiver.
Ms Neelam: What word starts with a 'F' and ends in 'K' that means lot of heat and excitement?
Ms Neelam: What word starts with! a 'F' and ends in 'K' & if u dont get it u have to use your hand.
Ms Neelam: hat is it that all men have one of it's longer on some men than on others, the pope doesn't use his and a man gives it to his wife after they're married? Boy: SURNAME
Ms Neelam: What part of the man has no bone but has muscles, has lots of veins, like pumping, & is > responsible for making love?
The principal breathed a sigh of relief and said > to the teacher, "Send this Boy to Delhi University , I got the last ten questions wrong myself!"
Tuesday, May 23, 2006
2. Until babies are six months old, they can breathe and swallow at the same time. Indeed convenient!
3. Offered a new pen to write with, 97% of all people will write their own name.
4. Male mosquitoes are vegetarians. Only females bite.
5. The average person's field of vision encompasses a 200-degree wide angle.
6. To find out if a watermelon is ripe, knock it, and if it sounds hollow then it is ripe.
7. Canadians can send letters with personalized postage stamps showing their own photos on each stamp.
8. Babies' eyes do not produce tears until the baby is approximately six to eight weeks old.
9. It snowed in the Sahara Desert in February of 1979.
10. Plants watered with warm water grow larger and more quickly than plants watered with cold water.
11. Wearing headphones for just an hour will increase the bacteria in your ear by 700 times. 12. Grapes explode when you put them in the microwave.
13. Those stars and colors you see when you rub your eyes are called phosphenes.
14. Our eyes are always the same size from birth, but our nose and ears never stop growing.
15. Everyone's tongue print is different, like fingerprints.
16. Contrary to popular belief, a swallowed chewing gum doesn't stay in the gut. It will pass through the system and be excreted.
17. At 40 Centigrade a person loses about 14.4 calories per hour by breathing.
18. There is a hotel in Sweden built entirely out of ice; it is rebuilt every year.
19. Cats, camels and giraffes are the only animals in the world that walk rightfoot, right foot, left foot, left foot, rather than right foot, left foot...
20. Onions help reduce cholesterol if eaten after a fatty meal.
21. The sound you hear when you crack your knuckles is actually the sound of nitrogen gas bubbles bursting.
Number of zeros
U.S. & scientific community
1000 million (1 milliard)
66 - 120
undecillion - vigintillion
1 Bob Smith, my assistant programmer, can always be found
2 hard at work in his cubicle. Bob works independently, without
3 wasting company time talking to colleagues. Bob never
4 thinks twice about assisting fellow employees, and he always
5 finishes given assignments on time. Often he takes extended
6 measures to complete his work, sometimes skipping coffee
7 breaks. Bob is a dedicated individual who has absolutely no
8 vanity in spite of his high accomplishments and profound
9 knowledge in his field. I firmly believe that Bob can be
10 classed as a high-caliber employee, the type which cannot be
11 dispensed with. Consequently, I duly recommend that Bob be
12 promoted to executive management, and a proposal will be
13 executed as soon as possible.
Addendum: That idiot was standing over my shoulder while I wrote the report sent to you earlier today. Kindly re-read only the odd numbered lines.
SURGERY: Operations are now banned. As long as you are an employee here, you need all your organs. You should not consider removing anything. We hired you intact. To have something removed constitutes a breach of employment.
BEREAVEMENT LEAVE: This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead friends, Relatives or coworkers. Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend to the arrangements. In rare cases, where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early, provided your share of the work is done enough.
YOUR OWN DEATH: This will be accepted as an excuse. However, we require at least two weeks notice as it is your duty to train your own replacement.
RESTROOM USE: Entirely too much time is being spent in the restroom. In the future, we will follow the practice of going in alphabetical order. For instance, all employees whose names begin with ''''''''''''''''A'''''''''''''''' will go from 8:00 to 8:10, employees whose names begin with ''''''''''''''''B'''''''''''''''' will go from 8:10 to 8:20 and so on. If you''''''''''''''''re unable to go at your allotted time, it will be necessary to wait until the next day when your turn comes again. In extreme emergencies employees may swap their time with a coworker. Both employees'''''''''''''''' supervisors in writing must approve this exchange. In addition, there is now a strict 3-minute time limit in the stalls. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, and the stall door will open.
PAYCHECK GUIDE: The following helpful guide has been prepared to help our employees better understand their paychecks:
Item Amount Gross pay $1,222.02 Income tax $244.40 Outgo tax $45.21 State tax $11.61 Interstate tax $61.10 County tax $6.11 City tax $12.22 Rural tax $4.44 Back tax $1.11 Front tax $1.16 Side tax $1.61 Up tax $1.08 Down tax $1.14 Tic-Tacs $1.98 Thumbtacks $3.93 Carpet tacks $0.98 Stadium tax $0.69 Flat tax $8.32 Surtax $2.23 Ma''''''''''''''''am tax $1.23 Corporate tax $2.60 Parking fee $5.00 F.I.C.A. $81.88 T.G.I.F. Fund $9.95 Life insurance $5.85 Health insurance $16.23 Dental insurance $4.50 Mental insurance $4.33 Disability $2.50 Ability $0.25 Liability $3.41 Coffee $6.85 Coffee Cups $66.51 Floor rental $16.85 Chair rental $0.32 Desk rental $4.32 Union dues $5.85 Union don''''''''''''''''ts $3.77 Cash advance $0.69 Cash retreats $121.35 Overtime $1.26 Undertime $54.83 Eastern time $9.00 Central time $8.00 Mountain time $7.00 Pacific time $6.00 Time Out $12.21 Oxygen $10.02 Water $16.54 Heat $51.42 Cool air $26.83 Hot air $20.00 Miscellaneous $113.29 Various $8.01 Sundry $12.09 ------- Net Take Home Pay $0.02
Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplations, consternations, or input should be directed elsewhere.
He who knows not and knows that he knows not is a student; teach him.
He who knows and knows not that he knows is asleep; wake him.
He who knows and knows that he knows is a wise man; follow him.
2. Product is tested. 20 bugs are found.
3. Programmer fixes 10 of the bugs and explains to the testing departmentthat the other 10 aren't really bugs, they're features.
4. Testing department finds that five of the fixes didn't work anddiscovers 15 new bugs.
5. Repeat three times steps 3 and 4.
6. Due to marketing pressure and an extremely premature productannouncement based on
overly-optimistic programming schedule, theproduct is released.
7. Users find 137 new bugs.
8. Original programmer, having cashed his royalty check, is nowhere to befound.
9. Newly-assembled programming team fixes almost all of the 137 bugs, butintroduce 456 new ones.
10. Original programmer sends underpaid testing department a postcard fromFiji. Entire testing department quits.
11. Company is bought in a hostile takeover by competitor using profits fromtheir latest release, which had 783 bugs.
12. New CEO is brought in by board of directors. He hires a programmer toredo program from scratch.
13. Programmer produces code he believes is bug-free...(probably the original programmer)
The Road to success is not straight
There is a curve called failure
A loop called confusion
Speed bumps called friends
Red lights called enemies
Caution lights called family
You will have flats called jobs,
But, if you have a spare called determination
An engine called perseverance
Insurance called faith
A driver called God You will make it to a place called Success !
Lets begin this day with a faith that there is SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE ALWAYS HOLDING OUR HANDS AND GUIDING US IN THIS ENDLESS JOURNEY CALLED LIFE.
Tuesday, May 09, 2006
Once upon a time a tortoise and a hare had an argument about whowas faster. They decided to settle the argument with a race. They agreed on a route and started off the race. The hare shot ahead and ran briskly for some time. Then seeing that he was far ahead of the tortoise, he thought he'd sit under a tree for some time and relax before continuing the race. He sat under the tree and soon fell asleep. The tortoise plodding on overtook him and soon finished the race, emerging as the undisputed champ. The hare woke up and
realised that he'd lost the race.
The moral of the story is that slow and steady wins the race.
This is the version of the story that we've all grown up with.
But then recently, someone told me a more interesting version of
this story. It continues.
The hare was disappointed at losing the race and he did some soul-searching. He realised that he'd lost the race only because he had been overconfident, careless and lax. If he had
not taken things for granted, there's no way the tortoise could have beaten him. So he challenged the tortoise to another race. The tortoise agreed. This time, the hare went all out and ran without stopping from start to finish. He won by several miles.
The moral of the story?
Fast and consistent will always beat the slow and steady.
If you have two people in your organisation, one slow, methodical and eliable, and the other fast and still reliable at what he does, the fast and reliable chap will consistently climb the organizational ladder faster than the slow, methodical chap.
It's good to be slow and steady; but it's better to be fast and reliable.
But the story doesn't end here.
The tortoise did some thinking this time, and realised that there's no way he can beat the hare in a race the way it was currently formatted. He thought for a while, and then challenged the hare to another race, but on a slightly different route. The hare agreed. They started off. In keeping with his self-made commitment to be consistently fast, the hare took off and ran at top speed until he came to a broad river. The finishing line was a couple of kilometres on the other side of the river. The hare sat there wondering what to do. In the meantime the tortoise trundled along, got into the river, swam to the opposite bank, continued walking and finished the race.
The moral of the story? First identify your core competency and then
change the playing field to suit your core competency.
In an organisation, if you are a good speaker, make sure you create opportunities to give presentations that enable the senior management to notice you. If your strength is analysis, make sure you do some sort of research, make a report and send it upstairs. Working to your
strengths will not only get you noticed, but will also create opportunities for growth and advancement.
The story still hasn't ended.
The hare and the tortoise, by this time, had become pretty good friends and they did some thinking together. Both realised that the last race could have been run much better. So they decided to do the last race again, but to run as a team this time. They started off, and
this time the hare carried the tortoise till the riverbank. There, the tortoise took over and swam across with the hare on his back. On the opposite bank, the hare again carried the tortoise and they reached the finishing line together. They both felt a greater sense of
satisfaction than they'd felt earlier.
The moral of the story?
It's good to be individually brilliant and to have strong core competencies; but unless you're able to work in a team and harness each other's core competencies, you'll always perform below par because there will always be situations at which you'll do poorly and someone else does well.
Teamwork is mainly about situational leadership, letting the person with the relevant core competency for a situation take leadership.
There are more lessons to be learnt from this story.
1) Note that neither the hare nor the tortoise gave up after failures.
2) The hare decided to work harder and put in more effort after his failure.
3) The tortoise changed his strategy because he was already working as hard as he could. In life, when faced with failure, sometimes it is appropriate to work harder and put in more effort.
4) Sometimes it is appropriate to change strategy and try something different. And sometimes it is appropriate to do both.
5) The hare and the tortoise also learnt another vital lesson. When we stop competing against a rival and instead start competing against the situation, we perform far better.
Chief among them are that fast and consistent will always beat slow and steady; work to your competencies; pooling resources andworking as a team will always beat individual performers; nevergive up when faced with failure; and finally, compete against the
situation - not against a rival.
Wednesday, May 03, 2006
select name from syscolumns where id = object_id('job') --gets only column names
select name from sysindexes where id=object_id('job') --gets only index names
select groupname from sysfilegroups -- list all the filegroups
select name, user_name(uid) from sysobjects where type='U' --list all the userdefined table in the database
select sysobjects.name, * from syscolumns, sysobjectswhere syscolumns.name='Dated'and sysobjects.id = syscolumns.idand (sysobjects.xtype='U' or sysobjects.xtype='S') --select all tables containing the given column name
/* Move the Database */Use multi1GoExec sp_helpfileGo--Exec sp_detach_db 'MyDatabase'Go--Exec sp_attach_db 'MyDatabase','E:\MsSql7\NewHome\MyDatabase_Data.mdf','E:\MsSql7\NewHome\MyDatabase_Log.ldf'
--get the min, max and avg length of a column
Select min(datalength(dated)),avg(datalength(dated)),max(datalength(dated)) from job;
-- Checks the database integrity of a given database. with no_infomsgs can be removed
dbcc checkdb(multi1) with no_infomsgs
/* Check if a trigger exists */
if exists (select * from sysobjects where name='tD_Employee' and xtype='TR') print 'Trigger exists'else print 'Trigger does not exist'
/* get the details of current connection */
select nt_username, hostname, nt_domain, loginame, login_time, program_name from master..sysprocesses where spid=53
SELECT @@version --gets the current service pack installed
Monday, April 17, 2006
Affordable Software Development India,Offshore Web Development india
Iserve-IT is an software development company, Web Development, System Administration and Embedded Development base in india
http://www.pmstudy.com/ (free 200 questions test)
http://www.stc.org/ (Society for Technical Communication)
Santa Clara University
General IT Reading
http://www.philosophe.com/design/design.html (web design, testing all)
VS and SQL 2005 Downloads and Study
DATA PROTECTION ACT
PURHCASE PHP SCRIPTS
Check Page Rank of Site
FREE CBT & E-BOOKS
Excellent Visual Basic personal blog
http://aucse.com/careerplaning.htm (free papers & resume tips)
http://www.pmstudy.com (free 200 questions test)
http://www.stc.org (Society for Technical Communication)(Testing Checklist)